From my childhood days,like from the age of 3 or 4 i.e. when I was getting into my senses faster than before i.e. when I began to handle the pencil and paper,I was attracted by pencil drawing,I have always been having a addiction to pencil,colour sketch pencils(not crayons actually). I also used to try paintings with cube shaped water colours in my little age with long days. I always have been having the love with mathematics and drawing. I was learned Chess in a very little age,and used to win over my father,who was a good quality player. That really lifts me up sometimes still now! Seeing my addiction in drawing my father took me to a nearby drawing school when I was in 2nd standard,in 1996. I used to be regular there,but didn’t feel much interest for that place. The teacher was seriously good in the true sense of the word. He was an aged person,likely to be in his 60s in the year of 1996. He was a nice person,very down to earth,and well mannered which was necessary for the children to feel free with him. I hope he is still living healthily.
In that age I was not at all serious in anything,and so in drawing. We were used to shown pencil sketches,crayon sketches,painting done instantly by him. His quality was genuine infact. As I told earlier that I had not been serious at all,actually no one can be so sincere in that age. So whatever he might want to teach us,his tries used to go to vain,I have no doubt about that. I am saying now that I could understand whatever he wanted to show. But from the very early days of my life I have been having a huge confidence on myself on everything I love to do. That’s why my habit is not to hear any lessons taught by any teacher,but to notice the topic. So it happened to drawing classes also. He gave us home work,I used to do this in my way,and ever got appreciation. I was the best in that class,that’s for no doubt,may be because I always pour my best into my drawings,atleast in the recent years. I feel heavenly peace when I can complete my drawings successfully.
Whatever I left that school when I was in 4th standard,in 1998. That was not a big sorrow to me! I never felt that that was the end of my drawing and I would never be able to draw independently again…! Now I can say I am not at all mature at that stage,but not very immature too,because What I used to draw,naturally the quality was not that good compared to now,and the great thing was I could understand that in that stage. And I knew what I was drawing was not appreciable to me,I never felt satisfied with my drawings,but still other people used to appreciate seeing a little boy’s drawing. My dissatisfaction may be because I couldn’t visualise the light and shadows properly,may be I couldn’t feel what may be the proper angle,atlast what may be the way to construct a fascinating picture with the pencil. One thing I forgot to mention about me is that I don’t have too much patience. So I think that I left painting with that school,because painting is something which tests your patience and make your pockets lighter. The exact ratio of colour water is very is the main thing in water colour. As I am illiterate in drawing as well as in painting I don’t have too much theoretical knowledge about painting atleast. And naturally in the little ages I used to be unsuccessful in painting. That made me down and lose the love on that. It’s too time taking too. And I don’t like the way the painter paints and construct paintings. These are too bad to me. Actually I don’t like abstract drawings or paintings and I don’t like paintings which seems to be done inaccurately intentionally. I like accurate things which shows the mirror image of the actual body,like the painting of Monalisa,The Last Supper by Leonardo D’Vinci -these are called ultimate paintings,but modern paintings are craps.
For proper constructions of pictures through paintings are difficult because for representing a mirror image effect,right amount of colour and water have to be used at right moments,and a small mistake in this leads your painting sheet to be thrown out of the window. And so my impatience doesn’t permit me to paint.
I was not totally out of touch from pencil sketch. From 6th to 9th I used to draw sometimes,but not like so appreciable,not upto my satisfaction,because I was not there in it,may be. From 10th to 12th standard I was busy in career making(what a line,I never thought of writing such line!!). So when I admitted to NSEC,I was in first year,I impatiently drew my face sitting in front of mirror. Then in 2nd year I drew two consecutive pictures of Shahrukh Khan,one was smoking and one was shocking. Those were eyes killing to people. Shocking one was severely appreciated by everyone. I will always feel proud on my right hand. It has helped me to rediscover myself in many cases…!! Actually the real mirror like drawings are being come out from my hand after 10 years of leaving that drawing school. Actually I draw when I find peace(in the mid night) and when I automatically lead myself in creating the wonders! I draw to the best of my feelings and sights. Actually I find a absolute satisfaction in playing with light and shadow with the pencils,they are quite old,and some are new too. In every drawing I take my absolute test on it,if it doesn’t satisfies me I surely declare ‘fail’. But that have never happened since I project my views with my hand properly as I have always wanted to. I have succeeded now for many times. I sometimes look to my right hand and I get fascinated by these wonders created by me. Don’t worry many are still to come,but I don’t know when I will catch the mood to draw again,it never comes forcefully,and forces never creates wonders,forces are only for destruction. I believe in that.
“In the loneliness of the darkness,I can project the art of heaven,
as each time the eyes and mind push my hand in creating another eden!”
Some of my pencil drawings are-
This post is ever updating….but frequency is not uniform.